What do I want? Is it an Adventure or a Vacation?

When I departed for Italy, my soul craved adventure.

I was 23 and I felt stifled from a failed and complicated marriage. I wanted to feel free, unchained, reckless. I wanted to explore the world.

I met my ex-husband a few weeks after I turned 19 and was married shortly after that. I accept the choices of that decision. But the truth is, I was unprepared for the realities marriage. I won't dive any further into that topic---For if I wanted to blog on that, I'd get pour the drama into a book and make money off of it.

So yes, Italy. That place, that time, oh those moments...In Italy, I wanted an adventure and boy, did I have one. My mind was open, willing, naive, and bold. As clumsy as I am, I climbed a castle wall. I stood up to shady characters, I got lost, I stayed in awkward places and with random strangers. I made life long friends. I laughed, I danced, I explored, and I loved.

When I reflect on that time now, it is hard for me to imagine. The mind is a powerful force. The constant redefinition of "who I am", never ceases to amaze me. It's amazing/crazy/weird to feel so solid in who you are and then transfer form yourself entirely.

A very good friend of mine once told me that your twenties are an evolution. That you will re-define yourself over and over again. She told me that I wouldn't be solid "me" until I reached my thirties. I am old enough now, where I can see the truth in that. Indeed, I continue to evolve.

As I prepare for Scotland, all I can think about is having  a vacation. The idea of taking a multiple methods of transportation to stay in semi-awkard conditions or to live off sugar packets is not appealing.

I'm a self-diagnosed workaholic. I work almost everyday, usually for 10-12  hours. Once a week, I peak out at 14 hour mark and have to pull myself from my store. Once upon a time, I worked a 9-5. What a cake walk in comparison. If we are creatures of habit, then I am a work horse. I feel like I'm in a circle, because as much as I work, as much I realize it's too much---I really don't know how to stop.

I told Courtney the other day that I didn't know whether I wanted to couch surf in Scotland. How I felt I might stay in hostels or B&B's. She scoffed and exclaimed that I've been corrupted by corporate america. Perhaps I have.

I am in desperate need of a vacation. To sleep in, to eat while sitting at a table, to think about my own life for more than 5 minutes at time. Writing this blog today, has taken all of my extra effort. After all, it was my day off and I  worked 9 hours....

Scotland. I'm ready for you.