I'm frustrated right now and anxious about leaving. If it sounds like I am a little irritated in this blog, then you are getting my mood correctly.
For clarification:
I write this blog for myself. I account for my days, my thoughts, my feelings for my benefit---I post it publicly because I am an open human being who doesn't mind sharing. I do choose not to do things like curse in my blogs---as a simple courtsey to my parents. However, I am not going to write about particular things or leave out others in fear of being offensive.
I choose to write about what I feel like.
I have never written a blog while under the influence of anything but being "high" in the moment.
I am in Italy. People drink wine here and yes, I drink wine here too. I am not drunk constantly nor is drinking the purpose in my adventures, even if it was---I am an adult and accountable to no one but myself.
Why must everyone worry about what everyone else thinks? WHY? I refuse to live my life worrying about a future employeer reading this blog three years from now may think. This is my life, if you don't like it--that's ok.
I get frustrated when people want me to be a certain way. I'd love it if I could please everyone in my life, I really would--but I can't. I am never going to be the girl that follows the mold. I am never going to be the woman that has a cookie cutter life-- the model citizen with a clean slate. I have always been the girl that said too much, that went her own route, that didn't listen, that has to figure it out for herself. That hasn't changed.
I am going to pave my own path in this world. It may be diagonal, it may be tattooed, it may be filled with nights of wine, it might be filled with volunteering, it might be financially driven, it might result in me being homeless---but it will be my own. There will always be a part of me that wishes I could could build my life in a manner that would make my grandparents brag, that would make it so my Dad didn't stress, that would be something my old school friends were jealous of...but I can't.
Accept me for the flawed, determined, loving, and strong woman I am.
Accept me or get out.
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How you choose to be and feel about yourself is what life is about....not letting others choose your path but doing what makes you, well you. If others don't like your choices big deal they are not the ones living in your shoes. Enjoy your last few days!
ReplyDeleteMz.P
Dear, dear Jennifer! I hope you know that the important people in your life love you BECAUSE of who you are, not in spite of it. And if anyone has shown concern, it's motivated by caring for you, worry for your safety or the way your decisions may affect your future. I trust God to take care of you and I also trust you to take care of you. So KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON, crazy kitty!!! I am counting the minutes til you're back.
ReplyDeletei miss you :)
ReplyDeleteWow Jen, I wish I would have figured out how to follow your travels before, I have been wondering why nothing new was posted on myspace... Maybe I should read "About Me"s more often. I obviously have a lot of catching up to do. So I will sit here all day until it is all read and all the pictures viewed. I love you and am very happy that you've had such an adventure, maybe a little jealous too :)
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt worry about what your family thinks too much, your dad took the risk of a "wild child" when he concieved with our mother; at least you have an education and can make something of yourself after all the wine filled nights and tattoos. Your family should be extremely proud of you no matter what.
I find that I am very similar to you and to our mother in my actions,damn genetics. Even though we are far apart I feel you have set a wonderful example as a big sister to me. I am very proud of you and brag about you whenever it comes up. I love you Jen and cant wait to hear from you. We have some serious catching up to do. Enjoy these last couple days before your sitting in a cubicle again.
Love,
Ash
Can't wait to see you...Enjoy the few days you have left..Barb
ReplyDeleteJen I want to thank you for allowing me to follow your adventures. I am glad to know you and consider you a friend. You are a great person no matter what you do or how you do it. Be happy with you that is all that matters.
ReplyDeleteHeather C.
I REPEAT: What the hell is limoncello and why does everyone want some?
ReplyDeleteThose "upstairs people" won't tell me anything. Maria even taunted me today. Taunted ME, the Senior Receptionist! I am not screening her calls anymore.
Hurry back, you're the only one who loves me.