Planning Anxiety

I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, so overwhelmed that I have a splitting headache. :(

I'm getting anxious that my plan of "not planning" might be bad idea. My worst fear about this trip is the thought that I could walk away feeling that I should have done more...that I could have spent my time better. Six weeks is such a short amount of time to experience a country, let alone several countries. As I look at the train schedules and the logistics of couch surfing, I'm doubting more and more that I'll even get out of Italy as I intended. What if I don't get to the places I wanted? When will I have a chance to go back? Why didn't I plan better?

I know have to stop stressing and beating myself up. Worrying about what might or might not happen is not going to get me anywhere. I have to remind myself that focusing on planning goes against what this journey is supposed to be about for me.

There are at least a dozen reasons why I'm taking this trip. At the core of all the reasons though, I'm going to live. To live, if only for 6 beautiful weeks, in a way that I would never do before. I'm going because it's good to loose control, completely change your surroundings, forget about responsibility, experience new things, and just let life take you over. It's funny how I used to be on this path of go-go-go. Since I was 16, I've been in a rush to get my life in order: finish college, get married, get a good job...then planning on buying a house, someday having kids, etc... No where in my plans did I think about the fact that I'm in my early 20's!!! No where did I schedule a little break, a little fun, a little spontaneity-- gosh, what was I doing?!?!?

Life is short--- but it's also deliciously sweet. I'm intoxicated with how wonderful my life is right now. I wake up every morning and inhale the sweet air of happiness. My only mission is to live in the moment, to love with all of my heart, and to let life take me over. I am choosing to be in complete disregard for what society or even what my family's perceptions of what I should be doing are...I'm trying my hardest to just focus on being me.

Granted, for you skeptics...I do understand that in order to travel you need a job. I understand that I do have responsibilities. I understand that I could be choosing to spend my time on elevating my career, making more money, making financial sound decisions--that those are all good things. But you must understand that Jennifer is just not that woman right now. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the "responsible" or "traditional" lifestyle. I know that someday I will probably feel differently; focusing on my career, getting my finances in order, building wealth, etc...well I'm sure all of those things will become a priority for me again. That day is just not today though...the time is just not now...

So back to de-stressing....I'm working on writing out a simple list of the things I want to accomplish. Now if I don't do it all---it's okay...but I think the best "plan" is to just shot for experiencing some key things and letting all of the rest come as it will. I'm letting go... (sigh)

Phew, I feel better all ready! Writing this all down helps, I'll be sure to post my list soon!

Only 10 days left! :)