Am I scared?

I've received a lot of questions/comments about my trip. Let me share the top results:

• Your going to find a hot rich young Italian man, marry him, and never come home!
• Wow, going alone? Aren't you scared?
• You're never coming back!
• How can you trust the people your staying with? What are they after?
• I'm jealous!
• Aren't you nervous?

So apparently: I am crazy to go alone and should be scared and nervous. I should also be warry of the people I'm staying with but it's okay because I will end up running away with a hot Italian man and my friends will be jealous.

LOL, It's really quite comical.

In response to the question of being scared or nervous: I'm honestly not. I'm not scared to stay with total strangers. I'm not scared of being alone. I'm not scared even though I know that I will get lost/frustrated/confused more times than I can count. Europe...and all the things I don't know, have counted on, or don't yet understand...don't scare me. I know I'm going to be ok over there. I really am.

There are two things I am scared of about this trip. One, I'm scared of the flight to and from Rome. I'm terrified that my plane is going to crash into the Atlantic and I'll never get to finish living my life. I'm scared of never seeing my brother and sister again. I'm scared that I've somehow picked the wrong flight and my karmic bad luck will take me down. I'm not ready to be done with this life (I feel like I'm pleading with God here...)!!! I'm not sure where this fear of flying is coming from. I'm the daughter of a pilot! I've been on more flights than anyone I know (my Dad being the exception of course), I logically know that planes are safe. There is something about crossing the ocean though that gets to me. Aaron (my roommate) is finding humor in torturing me with this information too. He suggested that we watch the first episode of Lost tonight so I could see the plane tear in half or the footage from the most recent plane accident into the river. NOT FUNNY AAR!!! ;P

I'm preparation of this fear...I have loaded my purse up with benadryl. My plan of attack to conquer this problem---is to sleep through it. I'm going to make sure I'm completely exhausted on Thursday, pop the benadryl, and then pass out before we even take off. I'm sure this won't go all to plan though...the flight to DC is 5 hours, then it's 10 hours from DC to Rome. I'm expecting a lot to think I will sleep the whole way...but hopefully by coaching myself ahead, I will not be breaking down in tears at the first sign of turbulence.

My other fear, is of course--the cats. I'm so worried about them...sometimes I think I should fly home sooner. I felt like a rotten person for leaving them for six weeks. The guilt brings me to tears---I've never been away from them that long! They have been through so many changes in the last year, it rips me in half that I'm putting them through yet something else. Cats don't like change....it stresses them out. I'm scared they will feel abandoned, lonely, and hurt. Harley and Kudos take turns sleeping with me and for Kudos especially, it really affects him when I'm not at home. His most recent bladder infection (caused by STRESS) not only caused him misery for several weeks but cost me over $300. What if he gets sick while I'm gone???


As I'm typing this post, Harley just came and jumped on my lap...I had to snap a picture. God, I love them more than anything in my life!!! I am honestly trying not to think about them as much as possible--- because there is no rationale when it comes to me and my cats. No matter how many times I tell myself that Aaron will take care of them and that it will be ok...I don't feel any better, I always feel worse.

I'm sorry my angel boys....I will be back soon... :(